New Beginnings

It is time to start again.

Every minute is an opportunity to begin again.

I believe in more than myself; I believe in more than is seen; I believe that Love is powerful; And I believe, as much as we want to understand All, life is the search..... the journey. That IS what it is all about.

My Gabriel comes to me as an Indian Chief. I don't know why - I just know it is Him.

Last night the Indian Chief was not in my dreams, but rather the Dark Man. I am certain I screamed out in my sleep - for I was screaming in my dream or should I say nightmare. The Dark Man showing up in my dreams is a sign of something not right within or without my own self. He is a warning of danger to my spirit; my soul. He never wins. He is always defeated - if only in my waking up.

At Sunday School we heard a wonderful sermon from the series "It Was Not a Silent Night". The minister said that life is messy and chaotic and I wondered if somewhere along the line of growing up as a young child if I really got that message. I think, I missed that lesson somewhere along the way. I believe, I thought I had control of the mess and chaos, and if I tried hard enough, I could control my destiny, my happiness, my relationships, my work, my family, my.......... everything. And because all had not gone the way I wanted, I have assumed..... failure on my part or............ of course........... someone else's.

There was some amount of peace to hear this minister say that life is messy and chaotic. There was some amount of freedom that came for me hearing those words. It wasn't about me (or anyone else). It was just about how life is. The mess..... the chaos..... it was life. Get used to it. Cope. Find joy where you can. Be grateful when life is sweet. Cherish those moments. And give grace - loads and loads of grace when Love appears to not be present. Be Love when Love is not.

Namaste

Happiness

From Eat, Pray, Love: 

"But that's not how happines works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't you will leak away your innate contentment. It's easy enough to pray when you're in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments."

This seems like such wise advice doesn't it:  insisting on happiness. I believe her. I think it is probably the only way to go --- yet........ it wears me out to read. Why can't it be easier? Maybe that is what I want:  easy-going happiness.......... happiness that comes easily and stays with little effort.

Not likely, mostly.

She also says:  "I can see exactly where my episodes of unhappiness have brought suffering or distress or (at the very least) inconvenience to those around me. The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-preserving and self-benefiting act, but also a generous gift to the world. Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else. Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people."

Oh, I have so experienced this:  getting in my own way.

Though not easy, but rather essential, I will rest tonight and strive for happiness tomorrow. However, I must say............. I go to bed feeling................ happy.

Namaste

50 Candles

I made it to 50. This is worthy of celebration. 50 years goes by really fast, but it is a long time. There is much in my life for which to be thankful. There has been much joy, love, growth, and happiness.

There have been many friends, some who came for a season, some who came for a reason, and some who have chosen to stay a lifetime. I have been blessed by each and every one. I am grateful.

I have family who have stood by me, encouraged me, and loved me even though we live so far away from one another. They have allowed me the freedom to be me. Through good times and bad times, I am grateful.

I have two young-adult children whose very existence brings a smile to my face. I can remember my prayers to God asking for these creatures to be brought into my life, and I remember the prayers prayed thanking Him for them, and asking for His protection, his healing, his wisdom, his kindness, his love, his instruction... in all things concerning me raising them and in all things concerning what they need from Him and from this world. If He loves them more than I love them, then they are in safe hands. I am grateful.

I have my health. I have my home. I have my job. I have some financial resources. I have some things. I am grateful.

I am thankful for my faith and the hope that fills my heart for this world and the people who live in it. I believe in Love. For that I am grateful.

I have known romantic love. Unfortunately, I have seen commitment fall short of forever, which sent me wondering if romantic love has ever been real for me (and many others, I suppose).  I am grateful for the lessons learned and the happy memories.

Life is good much of the time. The goodness is usually found in kindness, compassion, love.

I may live 5 more minutes or 50 more years. I know not the time I have left.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I will try to live my time well trying to make a difference.

Tonight, I will raise a glass and toat these 50 years and the rest of time left here on this earth.

Thank you, God, for all you have given me thus far and for holding me all these years. What would I have ever done without your grace, mercy and love. Thank you to those who pointed me towards You when You were Who and What I needed. I am grateful.

Namaste