Deep Thinkers

Last night on Grey's Anatomy, Cristina, pages through a wedding magazine during a her counseling session and again while observing a critical surgery. She later says that all these women in the pictures of her magazine are simple. All they want is to marry their husbands. She thinks that these women were born simple. As opposed to herself, who I suppose was born the opposite. Do you suppose she meant complicated? She is yearning for the simple. Perhaps the ability to turn off the hard, difficult, traumatic, past few days... and simply get married without all the thoughts, all the complications.

I can relate to Cristina. I am not simple, but rather, analytical. I store data in my head; and I think too much. For instance I can remember what you said years ago; where we were when you said it; what I was thinking as you said it, what you were wearing; and why we were talking about it in the first place. And I remember vividly, how I felt when you said it. While you are talking today, I am filing through all our past conversations and wondering why you said "this" last year, and how does that relate to "what" you are saying this year. I can't help it. That's just how my brain/memory seems to work.

Sometimes I want to slow it all down. However the more I TRY to make it stop, the more data my brain processes about my need to slow it down and the other times this happened, and what I was thinking the last time I had this thought, or something I read in a book, or something I saw in a move..... Do you get the idea?

I am a deep thinker. And the thoughts can get quite complicated, muddled, and LOUD. Everything that happens, is said, every movement of your face or your body, is processing in my brain and creating output of what "it" all means... to you... perhaps, to me... perhaps, to the world.

And I am a deep feeler. I feel from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I FEEL my emotions and what is happening all around me. And later when I go home, I will rethink it all again, reprocess, what i said, what you said, what he said, and what does it all mean. How it all makes me feel.

Seriously, it is EXHAUSTING.

What would life be like if I saw it all more simply.

I received a wood cutout of the word "Simplify" as a gift a year or so ago from a dear friend. It rests on top of a beautiful cabinet, that came from my parents home, in the hall outside my room.

Although I crave Simple at times and am reminded of the possibility by the gift, I know it not.