Perplexed and Dismayed at Almost 50

I am going to warn any man who might be reading my blog today. Beware! Girl things are discussed. I don't care that you read it, but beware, girl things are being discussed.

I went shopping with my almost 18 year old daughter Sunday, and I needed to buy some new underclothes, namely underwear. We chose Victoria Secret as our destination as this is where I usually go to buy such items. I was remarking to my daugther that I longed for the old Victoria Secret days when the atmosphere was so elegant and upscale. There weren't teenage items in the store, and there was soft music playing and a feel of romance and elegance was present. I used to feel grown up and sexy in Victoria Secret.

Today, the store is all about PINK, the teeny bopper line of thongs and bras, sweatpants and boxers, flip flops and book bags, lip gloss and glitter spray. The place is messy, busy and noisy... and not at all like the old days.

Anyway, I am a woman of tradition and routine and Victoria Secret is where I buy these items, so this is where I found myself on Sunday afternoon. I moved past all the PINK displays and in the far back part of the store were items of a little more maturity. I managed to choose my underwear... looking for comfort, but still some amount of style, and thought I might just splurge and buy a matching bra. I went to find my usual style and size and chose one that matched a pair of the underwear.

My almost 18 year old daughter thought she might like to try on one of the same bras in a different color and so rather than just purchase the items, we found our way to the dressing room to look for a place for us to try these on together. MISTAKE #1.

Never try on underclothes with an almost 18 year old. She will make you look old in comparison. It's the truth. Yes, we should all feel good about where we are in life. We will never be this young again in our whole lives, but I'm just sayin'... there is a vast difference between almost 18 and almost 50..... especially in this particular area of our bodies. Sorry, but just sayin'...

I slipped off my top and tried on the new pretty colored bra and much to my dismay I found that I had developed some extra body mass that was hanging out of the bra everywhere. And it was an defined part of my body. It was loose and flabby and it looked like...... well, it wasn't pretty, and.... as I gawked at it, I was totally not sure what it was! I don't think it was breast, but it was sort of in that vicinity. I asked my daugther what she thought it was, and she only laughed... awkwardly.

I asked out loud, sort of to the Spirit in the Sky, "where did this stuff come from?" I asked my daughter if she thought it belonged on my shoulders or in my armpits. I know it used to be somewhere... other than where it was... now. It was a slightly new phenomenom. I didn't like it.

I tried moving around to get this stuff taken care of. I tried tucking it in - I lifted my chest up, I lifted my shoulders back. I even tried raising my arms to the sky ---- Nope, it was still there.

I told my daughter that maybe I needed some plastic surgery - but I wondered aloud, would they put it back in somewhere or just need to suck it out?

Since Sunday (of course I had to tell everyone about this experience), I have found that this is a common issue with us, women, as we age. I am not alone. In fact, I might be a bit late to this party, so I'm not too concerned that something is wrong. I am just perplexed and dismayed. And I don't want any surgery. You know, we are supposed to age... gracefully - it all quite natural. Yeah, right!

Are you surprised.....? I didn't buy the $60 bra - it was called the "Very Sexy", but believe me..... it was not.

Now, the really absurd part..... after all the expressing of all these wonderings and feelings inside the dressing room, we walked out to pay for our items and there sitting on the nice bench right outside of the dressing rooms, was a gentleman. Yes, a man was sitting and listening to this whole conversation. Oh for goodness sakes! What was he doing in Victoria Secret, sitting outside our dressing room?????? I hope we, or rather I, was of some entertainment to his day.

Well, I might as well blog about it all then, right? Cat was already out of the bag, so to speak.....

Remember, we will never be as young as we are at this very moment - so appreciate your youthfulness regardless of the number of birthdays! Generally, it's probably not going to get any better than it is right now. Dance and love your bodies, girls!

And Laugh! When all else fails, laugh!

Namaste